Limited edition hawai'i barbie dolls
PRESS
RELEASE: Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition Barbie dolls
for the Hawaii market:
KAMEHAMEHA
BARBIE
by Lehua: This Barbie has dark skin, long bushy hair with a yellow plumeria in
her ear, and 5 Hawaiian bracelets on her left hand. Her right hand is
automatically in the shaka position. She comes with a lauhala bag, Roxy slippers
and board shorts and an opu-showing tank top. Available with a pareo, hula pa'u
skirt, and various Song Contest song sheets.
IOLANI BARBIE
: This princess Barbie is only sold at Iolani. She comes with an assortment of
Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a longhaired foreign dog named Honey, and a
cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and facelift. Note:
Studious Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.
HAWAII KAI
BARBIE : This
modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan and matching
velour gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or
secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately .
MAYOR
WRIGHT HOUSING BARBIE:
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a Chevy with dark tinted
windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can
only be paid for in cash, preferably small, untraceable bills, unless you are a
cop, then we don't know what the hell you're talking about.
PUNAHOU
BARBIE: This
yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer
H2. Included is her own Starbucks cup, credit card, and Oahu Country Club
membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School
Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
UNIVERSITY
OF HAWAII BARBIE :
Short, highly tanned and ready to land a husband-we mean, get an education.
Comes with standard issue shorts with "Go Bows" printed largely on the
butt. Also comes wearing latest " themed" sorority party T-shirt, hair
in pony tail and a gaggle of similar looking friends, each carrying the latest
in knock-off Kate Spade bags and with Honda
Civic. Undecided major and drunken, backward-hat Frat Boy Ken sold
separately.
UP
COUNTRY BARBIE:
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR
shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud Light
and a Greatest Hawaiian Country Hits CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick
Mullet-Haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately
and get a Maui
No Ka Oi bumper sticker absolutely free.
KAHALA
BARBIE : This
collagen injected, rhino-plastic Barbie wears a leopard print spandex outfit and
drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at Waialae Country Club.
Percocet prescription available.
WAIANAE
BARBIE: This
tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals
with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Waipahu
Barbie's repossessed house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans,
fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top.
HOTEL STREET
BARBIE: This
slacker Barbie looks an awful lot like Waianae
Barbie without a shower. Comes with a pack of clove cigarettes and a sixer of
PBR. There are accessory packages with various assortments of body piercings and
tattoos available, but they must be purchased separately because, like, she
doesn't have a job.
DOWN-TO-EARTH
BARBIE : This
doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight faded blue hair, archless
feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers
that you call her " Willow ." She does not want or need a Ken doll,
but if you purchase two Up Country Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you
get a rainbow sticker for free.
FARRINGTON
BARBIE : This
Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a
GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very
difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
WAIPAHU
BARBIE :
This Filipino-speaking Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary
plates and three babies in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Pinoy
Ken doll comes with a machete and work gloves. Ken comes with his own 1979 Ford
pickup with a Mufi bumper sticker, tinted windows, and Our Lady of Manila
rear window stickers. Truck is painted primer gray, but wheels and rims are not
available. Comes with cement blocks. Green cards are not available for Waipahu
Barbie or Ken.
RIVER STREET
BARBIE/KEN: This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by
simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts.